she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
