I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
