I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
