I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
