just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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