I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
