Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
