My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
