i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
