Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
