somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
