walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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