Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
