I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
