You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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