I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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