you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
