I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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