Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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