Will you blow on my dice?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
