The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
BRING THE BAGELS
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
