we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
