I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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