Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
