Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
