i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
