it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
