i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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