we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
