you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
