you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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