she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
