I wish I could punch you in the face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
