What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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