i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
