I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
