Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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