It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
