My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
