I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
