I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
