Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
