I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
