My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
