Christians are straight up FREAKS
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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