Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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