Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
