Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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