I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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