I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
