turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
