You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
