Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
