i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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