dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
