Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
