Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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