And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize