is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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