Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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