i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
