no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
