I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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