So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
