So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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