I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
