You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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