My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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