so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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