i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
